bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
