I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ttyl tear gas
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
