I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
