I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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