I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
