we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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