ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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