next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
