He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
