WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
