then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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