Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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