There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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