today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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