Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
