She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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