i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
