I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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