I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
