Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..