my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."