goodnight i made you a song goodbye
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.