I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.