Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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