I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
