I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
