Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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