She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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