I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
