Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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