Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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