Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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