I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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