Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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