This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
