i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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