I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
