We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
