The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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