Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
