i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
