Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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