I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
