I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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