I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
