I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
