We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the condom got lost in my hair
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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