Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
