Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
