This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
