is your mom at the bar?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
