Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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