Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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