Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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