oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
