Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
