I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
