i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
