had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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