I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
